Even after Bobbie's reassuring words, I still worried. I was still concerned. I was so grateful to God for blessing us with the baby growing inside of me, but I was fearful.
At my 20th week of pregnancy, my doctor scheduled a very detailed ultrasound with a specialist. They measured our baby's leg bones, arm bones, head circumference. They took close-up pictures of all of the major organs. Everything appeared to be developing normally. Even though the doctors couldn't guarantee there would be no issues once the baby was born, we felt incredibly blessed with this good news. I also learned that I would be having another son. I cried tears of happiness and began to feel myself "letting go" a tiny little bit of the control I wanted to maintain over the situation (even though I had none!).
As I look back now, it seems to me that the rest of pregnancy went smoothly. However, I remember that Steve and I were still both anxious and worried of the day when he would be born and the years following. My doctor told us that we wouldn't know for certain any lasting effects that the blood thinner would have on our child until he was about 5 years old. That seemed like a lifetime to me!
I was scheduled for an induction on March 6, 1998. We were very excited, but also very nervous. After giving birth to Noah and experiencing the incredible grief that went along with it, I didn't know what emotions to expect. Isaiah James Scheuer came in to the world at 2:22 pm that afternoon. The feelings we had were completely overwhelming. I remember Steve saying, "I can't believe he is ours". (More on that statement later:). Immediately following his birth, Isaiah was whisked off to the NICU, to be examined more closely. When they brought him back, the doctors were confident that he was physically fine. PRAISE GOD!
I chose our second born's name. It comes from the two books in the Bible, Isaiah and James. They were both books that I would pour over as I sat by Noah's graveside. I would read through them over and over again, gaining comfort and being reassured of God's promises.
When Isaiah was about 4 months old, my mom and I attended a Stewardship Dinner for our church. Steve wasn't able to go, due to work. I recall sitting there, listening to the testimonies and feeling the Holy Spirit working in my heart. As I held the white pledge card in my hand, my feelings this time were completely different than they had been earlier. How could I possibly look down at my son, a miracle, and not give thanks to God for His faithfulness? How could I not return to Him, what was rightfully His? Isaiah wasn't (and isn't) mine. He isn't Steve's. None of our beautiful children are. They all belong to God. They are "on loan" to us, to raise in the ways of the Lord. I pledged to tithe.
Many of you know Isaiah. He is one of the most tender-hearted children (young men) I know. He can quote scripture better than I can. He has an incredible sense of intuition when it comes to people. When he notices that someone is feeling down, he senses it and has such empathy.
Just the other day, he and I got in to a disagreement. I attempted to guide him, in the direction I felt the Lord would want me to. It was one of those situations where I wanted my child to make different choices than I did at that age, and I tried to "push" him in a better direction. He became frustrated and developed an attitude. In hindsight, I realized that I was projecting my failures on to him, not wanting him to make the same mistakes. I apologized to him and explained why. With complete sincerity, this was his response: "Mom, you are my mom. I am always going to need you guide me. I am always going to count on you to lead me in the direction I should go. I will work very hard to not turn away from you and develop an attitude."
Seriously? What 15 year-old says this to his parents and actually means it? This is who God blessed us with. This type of response is all Him. As I watch my oldest son (on earth) grow in to a young man, I see his incredible love for His Lord and Savior. Our gracious God has blessed Steve and I as parents with the knowledge to raise our children in the love of the Lord. We are being good stewards of our children. Do we screw up? Yes. Do we make mistakes (the same ones, over and over again)? Absolutely! God's grace (getting what we don't deserve) is sufficient for all those times we stray from His desires for us as parents.
To be continued...
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